In an age of online dating, many hopeful singles are turning to the ancient traditions of matchmaking and according to SBS’ The Matchmakers star, Toby Lieder, there’s one universal dealbreaker that everybody has.
Speaking to Mediaweek after the three-part documentary premiered on February 14, Lieder admitted that out of 400 clients, 95% of people had the same “want” in a relationship.
“The number one thing that most people say is that they want a good-hearted, kind-hearted person,” Lieder said. “Someone that puts other people first…someone that’s out there for others, that will care about me. That will hear me.”
Toby Lieder, The Matchmakers SBS
How Toby Lieder sets up clients on The Matchmakers
As part of her real-life service in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, Lieder sits down with a client for two hours, allowing them to discover their “dealbreakers” like honesty, integrity, loyalty, trust and commitment; before she gets to work.
“I set up people that match other people’s dealbreakers,” she said. “I get all that groundwork done, the foundation work done. So now you’re dating someone, you want to see if you click if you have good chemistry and good attraction, but at least the foundational values are built on the same page. That leads to a successful marriage and a happy future because the values are taken care of.”
In addition to this, the mum-of-14 (yes, 14) will not only help you discover what you want from someone else but will give a lesson in who you truly are.
“At the end, I ask questions, and I say, ‘How was the two hours for you?’,” she said. “All of them — and were talking about over 400 people — have said the same words [to me]. They say, ‘I’ve got clarity now’.”
The Matchmakers, SBS
Of course, matchmaking can be viewed as an outdated practice; however, Lieder says that finding someone online has become a complication, particularly when it’s all profile pictures and looks.
“At the beginning, they’re able to be charming and have all this beautiful personality that wins you over. And then you forget that, ‘Hey wait, I really don’t know what they really believe in’, and then it’s too late,” she said.
Toby Lieder’s advice for searching for your “soulmate”
The three-part series goes behind the scenes of Australia’s traditional Hindu, Muslim and Jewish Matchmakers, and dives into the unique world of four professional matchmakers including Lieder, Sheikh Alaa Elzokm and Preeti and Heena who help religious singles navigate the dating process to find a forever partner.
And like her counterparts, Lieder believes that “everyone has a soulmate”.
Sheikh Alaa Elzokm and Preeti and Heena, SBS
“It’s just not the right time for that person if it didn’t happen yet,” she said. “But it will be the right time. There is always a time for it.”
If you or anyone you know is currently in the dating game, Lieder has some advice.
“Do one thing a day to work towards your future,” she said. “Do one thing a day to enable you to find your match.”
She later added: “There’s a saying, ‘If you stand for anything, you’ll fall for nothing’. You have to have a purpose for the most important relationship in your life — your spouse — we have to put in the most effort, not just play it by ear.”
Luckily, doing that one thing could be reaching out to Lieder; but in the meantime, do yourself a favour and watch The Matchmakers on SBS.
All three episodes of The Matchmakers are available to stream free on SBS On Demand, with episodes airing weekly at 8.40 pm on Wednesdays on SBS.