A Toxic Love Story has two victims because two things can be true at the same time

A Toxic Love Story on Netflix is essentially about a ‘love triangle’ between Michelle Hadley and her ex, Ian Diaz, and his new wife, Angela Diaz.

That's putting it simply, because the story is complex and nuanced.

It's a tragic example of manipulation, fraud, control and cruelty, that can happen in intimate partner and former intimate partner relationships.

Whilst Michelle suffered immeasurably at the hands of the couple, who perpetrated extraordinary crimes against her, one discussion has been missed: if Ian was the main instigator, was Angela also a victim of his to some extent?

It's an important question to ask, because, speaking from experience, I didn't realise until too late that was happening to me; and in general, some women often don't realise they're being completely manipulated to do a man's bidding.

As I watched A Toxic Love Story, it felt uncomfortably familiar, and it made me wonder: could Angela also have been a victim of Ian's even though she knew what she was deliberately doing to Michelle?

Let me be clear on two things:

1. Michelle suffered immensely at the hands of Ian and Angela, and they deserved jail time for their crimes; and

2. Angela is also potentially a victim of control by Ian.

Yes, these things can both be true at the same time - and we've seen it before in cases such as Fred and Rose West to name just one high-profile couple, where evil is perpetrated by a woman under influence and to simply “make him happy.”

What did Angela Diaz do to Michelle Hadley?

As shown in A Toxic Love Story, Ian and Angela orchestrated an elaborate plan to frame Ian's ex-fiancée, Michelle, for stalking, harassment, and even created a "rape fantasy" Craigslist scenario.

One significant example is Angela falsely accusing Michelle of posting photos of her in online ads soliciting men to rape her in to fulfil a sexual fantasy. Angela told police that men had come to her home in response to the ads and claimed that on one occasion, a man had attempted to attack her in her garage. 

In fact, the online poster was Ian - a former US Marshall with relevant knowledge of crimes - and Angela knew that.

But police arrested Michelle on felony counts of stalking and attempted rape, among other charges. Michelle spent nearly three months in jail until authorities realised that she hadn’t been involved in the harassment at all. 

After tracing the IP address for “Lilith is Truth”, the online account being used for the set up, they found that the emails and ads had actually come from the Diaz's home.

It was assumed it was all Angela who was setting Michelle up - but that was wrong.

In 2017, Angela pleaded guilty to charges including kidnapping, false imprisonment, perjury, and falsely reporting a crime. She was sentenced to five years in prison and was released in July 2020 after serving part of her sentence.

A Toxic Love Story shows body cam footage of police questioning Ian and Angela in their home. Image: Netflix

How Ian coached Angela on what to tell police

We see in the documentary that four years later, authorities finally worked out that Angela's husband, Ian, was a co-conspirator; he was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in federal prison in 2023.

You see, the Department of Justice did their own investigation considering Ian's law enforcement background.

While Michelle was in prison, DOJ special agent Jason Higley examined police body cam footage and noticed that Ian sounded anxious and appeared to be coaching Angela on what to tell police.

“We will never know exactly what happened," Higley says, adding that the Diaz's aren't “reliable witnesses.”

However, Higley believes that Ian craved control. 

“It boils down to Ian wanting to control someone,” he said. 

"He wanted to control Michelle, and she got away. And that made him angry, so he designed this scheme to frame his ex-girlfriend.”

Could Angela Diaz also have been Ian Diaz's victim?

I'm not here to defend Angela. Her acts against Michelle were horrible and criminal. But I do have some experience of being in her position. An ex once encouraged me to think negatively about his prior partner, and disregard her needs as the mother of his child.

It wasn't until I was out of the relationship that I realised how I'd been manipulated.

I felt so bad about it, I published a parenting story from the perspective of a step mum and ‘the new wife’. I communicated directly with the ex about how young and frankly stupid I had been (in my 20s, he was much older), gullible, and completely gaslit about her. I still feel guilty about it. 

No, I never did anything remotely criminal; my biggest ‘crime’ was believing in him. 

As domestic violence and control is better identified across the world, and in Australia, we need more and louder conversations of what it can look like.

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