Kyle and Jackie O‘s publicity peaked nicely on the weekend, as their bus pulled into KIIS 101.1 in Melbourne. As ARN chief executive Ciaran Davis told Mediaweek last week, they have become the most-talked-about show in their new city without being on-air.
The biggest-selling newspaper was bursting with Kyle and Jackie O content the day before their launch. The Sunday Herald Sun featured them on the cover. Fiona Byrne interviewed them in her regular Sunday gossip column, and then interviewed them across two pages a little further on.
ARN also had a two-page ad promoting the show with the message to listeners – “Make up your own mind”. The ad was accompanied with warnings about the radio invaders from Jase Hawkins, Neil Mitchell and Steve Price.
The radio duo were interviewed by Sarrah Le Marquand for a Stellar cover story in the Sunday colour magazine. The Sunday Herald Sun even ran an editorial on the arrival of the show in a new city. “Melbourne radio will never be the same again.”
First hour: Welcome Kyle, Jackie, and Brooklyn
First came the Melbourne news from newsreader Brooklyn Ross.
Then the trademark Kyle and Jackie introduction.
Brooklyn’s introduction involves him going through his sexual history with details of his STDs. “He’s a massive homo,” Kyle says.
Jackie introduces herself as a single mother. Kyle mentions a couple of his habits. It isn’t long before Kyle is asking about Jackie’s sex life, including her history with, um, anal.
There is the first use of the censor during an hour that had only a few bleeps.
Bruno’s introduction: The director of The Kyle and Jackie O Show and Kyle’s manager’s intro features a history of being in and out of psychiatric wards. “I have a freakishly long foreskin.”
Pedro: “Another migrant we hired. A diversity hire. From Uruguay in 2001. I won my job here. I have a tiny penis.” Pedro details his sex routine with his wife. He’s an anti-vaxer.
Intern Pete: From Simpson in Victoria. A gay man who was run out of town after ‘accidentally’ having sex with his cousin in Hamilton. “I now date only wealthy Asians.” He’s the longest-serving staff member, with a decade of service.
Lingus (nickname): “At last we get to hear from a girl,” says Jackie. “A Syrian who does the social media for the show.”
“She has toes that look like thumbs. “Are they good for masturbating?” asks Kyle. He adds: “I don’t suck dick. Nice to meet you Melbourne.”
Nat: “I’m Croatian. I was born a woman even though it doesn’t sound like it. I can vape with my mutt.” Call on 13 10 65.
Kyle asks Victorian listeners to call and give a live report card.
See also: ‘This show will work’: ARN chief Ciaran Davis’s low-risk decision to network Kyle and Jackie O
Talk turns to stalkers. Kyle has never had a stalker… until now. He had to steal this stalker from Nova.
Relatively new father Kyle talks about Bluey. Jackie has never watched an episode. But Kyle has a problem. The language is questioned. “Six sick skunks” was on a recent episode. Jackie says she can repeat it quickly without dropping the C word.
“Have you ever had lesbian sex,” Kyle asks Jackie at about 6:20am. A question regular listeners will recall.
Introductions continue. Alfie tells of how he once got “car head” because he worked on The Kyle and Jackie O Show.
Lachie the Virgin. The Melbourne producer is introduced. “I am well known known as season 2021 winner of The Beauty and the Geek. I was a virgin until 2022.” He talks about self-pleasuring with a device. He’s a racing car geek. Can name every Bathurst winner since 1963. “If that doesn’t get you pussy, nothing will,” interjects Kyle.
It’s coming up to 6.30am, no ads so far. Jackie starts talking about what’s on the show today. Jason Derulo and Michael Buble will be guests.
Kyle introduces the show’s first mystery sound competition called The Noise. $200,000 is on offer if anyone can guess the sound. Jackie’s first guess is a bowling ball. Wrong. The prize money has climbed from $150,000 after Fox matched the original prize money with its Secret Sound promotion.
First song at 6:29am: Dom Dolla’s Saving Up.
The Tradie versus Lady segment starts around 6:32am. Still no ad break. Catherine: Her favourite sex position is missionary. “She sounds a lot of fun,” says Kyle. Jackie baulks reading one of the details of Catherine’s sex life. Catherine is hesitant too with some of the details. Her nickname gives a clue – JizzCuzzi. First male contestant welcomes them to Melbourne. “His favourite position is pounding a guy with his legs in the air,” said Kyle. Tradie’s nickname: Gaybor Jude.
Jackie predicts a gay guy might know some of the lady’s questions. He fails on the first question about panties vs briefs.
Kyle has his first (brief) fallout with a staff member. “You piece of shit.”
The boys win Tradie versus Lady and the team sings the victory song.
First traffic break and weather. You’ve been waiting for 45 minutes if you wanted traffic news!
First ad break: Doesn’t happen until 6:44. 12 spots. Ads for The Noise, Farmer Wants a Wife, Monash online course, Amaysim, Stan series The Tattooist of Auschwitz, MenuLog, Globird Energy, Wynstan Blinds, Youi Insurance, Aussie Broadband, 1800-Got-Junk?, Chemist Warehouse.
The show’s second song comes at 6:49am: Luke Combs’ Fast Car.
The show’s first Melbourne caller used to be a podcast listener. Then it’s Vince who asks if he could do some animal noises. “Are you high?” asked Kyle. Vince then does a good imitation of a lion and a dolphin.
Harmonica Boy rings in just before 7am. He speaks about a recent holiday and then plays a tune.
A former Fox listener rings at 7am. “When I heard about the staff member who mentioned vape and mutt, I was in.”
Editorial about Kyle and Jackie O in the Sunday Herald Sun
Second hour: Birthday Wheel, Pop Quiz, and lots more team sex talk
Hosts tease The Birthday Wheel is next.
The second ad break is at 7:03am: Farmer Wants a Wife, Chemist Warehouse, Budget Truck Rentals, Wynstan Blinds, Stan series The Tattooist of Auschwitz, Live read for Globird Energy, Burbank Homes, Engineers Australia, Spinaleze Pillows, Budget Truck Rentals, DoorDash, Farmer Wants a Wife, Cbus Super, Globird Energy, Chemist Warehouse.
7:08: Another traffic and weather report followed by a Kmart ad.
7:09: Melbourne news with Brooklyn Ross. Short bulletin runs for just under 2 minutes including sports roundup and ads for Renault and JetStar.
7:10: Another call. This time, Violet, who is playing the Birthday Wheel. Discussion turns to Kyle’s wedding day. He remembers how Prime Minister Anthony Albanese was a wedding guest and stayed from 3pm until after 9pm.
The Birthday Wheel caller asks for a Troy Sivan song.
The first O News segment goes to air about 7:20am. Jackie reads out entertainment news in a segment sponsored by Stan.
The first celebrity guest is Rob Schneider on the line talking about his support for Trump. The censor beeps one of Rob’s comments. Kyle brings up a BJ he once had with a sex worker.
7:31: Ad break: The Noise, Farmer Wants a Wife, Officeworks, Crimsafe, Cbus Super, Underworks (read by the hosts), Stan series Hacks, Burbank Homes.
7:38: Another song – Cyril’s Stumblin’ In. The hosts tease Cyril is coming in after 8am.
The Pop Quiz segment at 7:40am. $100 a question, all 10 questions and you can win $10,000. The caller gets $500.
The Noise segment is next. “More than the other stations are giving away. We are cashed up.”
First tech challenge with two audio feeds playing at the same time. Ads playing over the traffic report. It’s soon fixed.
7:45: News bulletin and Kiiscast (weather).
It’s supposed to be The Noise, but Kyle is asking about Jackie’s sex life. She will kiss on the first date. “What about a BJ?” asks Kyle.
Turns into a long discussion with details about some of Jackie’s recent dating experiences. Including someone sleeping with a Kyle and Jackie O super fan.
Staff members Josh the sex addict and Cooper Johns aren’t introduced until just before 8am.
Third hour: Live cross to Sunrise, PM recalls Kyle’s wedding, Cyril drops in
8:03: Ad break. Usual advertisers joined by Yarra Valley Grammar, and Medownick Laser Clinic.
Another song: Jack Harlow’s Lovin On Me.
Finally taking calls about The Noise for a chance to win $200,000. Lots of good guesses. But no winner.
8:17: Another ad break and a promo for Naked Dating segment coming next Friday.
8:22: Another ad break.
8:23: Kyle and Jackie do a live cross to Sunrise with Nat and Matt. Nat introduces them as a “radio juggernaut”. Matt said he hopes he doesn’t have to wrap the segment early like last time. Kyle manages a good plug for the iHeart audio app.
Matt asks about feedback, mentioning criticism from old-school radio broadcasters in Melbourne.
Intern Pete interrupts the segment, putting PM Albanese to air. “This is very loose,” said Albo when he realised he was also on air with the Sunrise hosts. Albo recalls sitting next to Kyle’s mum at the wedding. “What goes on at the wedding stays at the wedding,” says Albo before the Sunrise hosts sign off.
Kyle asks Albo about the campaign to stop domestic violence. “There’s a full range of issues we need to deal with.”
8:38: After farewelling the PM, it’s time for another traffic update and ad break.
8:43: The show always features a mix on Fridays. Day 1 in Melbourne features a Cyril mix of recent hits. The end of it featured Cyril’s new song Somebody Else. Cyril talks about forthcoming European tour.
8:54: Another O News update. Talk turns to stalkers again. One of the themes of today’s show.
Somehow poo comes up as a subject. Kyle asks if anyone on the team has ever taken a photo of one of their poos. The answer is no. Apart from Pedro, Kyle and Pete.
Fourth hour: Derulo and Bublé, mother-in-law caller, Jackie’s ‘fun’ with a listener
9:00: Poo segment segues into more traffic and weather, promos for The Noise, Jason Derulo, and Michael Bublé then into another ad break.
9:10: Kyle predicts the King of England might not live the year out. More poo chat.
9:14: Caller has a story about their mother-in-law. Story started of bit boring, and doesn’t get much better. “What do you expect us to do?” asked Kyle. Turns out they had to call the mother-in-law.
“Stop being such a bitch,” blurts out Kyle before explaining anything. After the mother-in-law sounds confused, Kyle says: “I told you we should have dropped this [segment].”
The caller saves the segment as she debates her relationship with her mother-in-law.
9:22: More traffic and another ad break. Usual ad partners are joined by Bendigo Bank, TMAX Ute, Celebrity Cruisers, McDonald’s, Australia Post, and more.
9:28: More music: Another mix that starts with Men at Work’s Down Under and segues into Cyril’s Stumblin’ In and then, topically, went into Spicy Margarita from Jason Derulo and Michael Bublé.
9:35: Finally, it’s time for Jason and Michael. Bublé asks about what is happening with the show expanding into Melbourne. Derulo says he’s happy to be on K&J, “my favourite show”.
Derulo then talks about TikTok and what happens if it gets taken down in the US. Bublé says he likes using TikTok to find new things. “I don’t think it will go away. They just need to find a way to regulate it.”
The segment ends with Derulo inviting Kyle and Jackie to Las Vegas to see his residency at The Venetian. The radio hosts sound like they might be visiting the iHeart Music Festival in Vegas this September.
9:47: More ads: Brands include Kogan.com and OPSM.
9:52: Traffic update with promo for show on ABC iview. And another plug for Seven’s Farmer Wants a Wife.
9:53: Final news wrap and weather from Brooklyn Ross. Lots of AFL news.
9:55: More O News from Jackie. Britney Spears updates. “If Britney knew how to do her make-up, I guarantee she’d look amazing.”
9:59: Kyle plays some of Jason Derulo’s new song Animal with R3HAB.
Kyle winds up the show reminding listeners that Jackie admitted to “rooting a listener”.
As ARN chief Ciaran Davis explained here recently, the show will now finish daily at 10am.