The Ideas Dome, powered by The Growth Distillery, is centrally located in Tumbalong Park and offers free sessions all week curated by SXSW Sydney.
The session, From Mates to Soul Mates – Dating in the Digital World, was moderated by Kerrie McCallum, head of Travel, Food & Health at News Corp Australia.
McCallum introduced the session: “People are often confused about how well they know someone, after a few chats online (often, not even on the phone). It is not your fourth date when you meet for the first time after chatting online, so you are not compelled to engage sexually – but who knows when you know one another well enough anymore, and what the expectations are?
“With captivating discussions on media innovation and emerging societal trends, there’s always something new to explore. In the digital dating world, there is often little privacy, as people share messages and discuss their potential responses with friends.”
Guest panellist was leading relationship expert Amanda Gordon, Adjunct Associate Professor in Clinical Psychology. The session was facilitated by Body+Soul and it’s recent 2024 Sex Census.
Dating in the Digital World talking points
• Dating in the digital era has transformed significantly due to technology, with dating apps becoming the third most common way to meet partners.
• Skepticism about online dating safety is prevalent, especially among females, due to reasons like dishonesty, relationship status, and financial scams.
• Online chatting is not classified as a date; a physical meeting is essential to consider an interaction a date.
• Forming relationships in the workplace should be approached with caution, ensuring clear boundaries and communication, especially regarding power dynamics.
• Financial stress is a significant factor affecting relationships and dating, but dating doesn’t have to be expensive, and joint financial goals should be prioritised.
• The definition of cheating has evolved with the digital age, with actions like liking social media posts questioned.
• Young people’s social skills are affected by over-reliance on digital interaction, and parents should model face-to-face connection to ensure meaningful relationships.
Kerrie McCallum: “Technology has transformed the way we do almost everything in our lives and dating is no different from the meteoric rise of apps to the digitisation of desire. As a brand, Body+Soul has never been afraid to tackle taboos or delve into the seismic social shifts that are shaping our world, especially when it comes to relationships and we’ve made it our mission to normalise conversations in this space.
“So much so that in September we revealed the results of a comprehensive deep dive into the nation’s habits and behaviours via the 2024 Body+Soul Sex Census and it’s safe to say that the results were fascinating, from how satisfied we are with our collective sex lives to topics like sexual health, intimacy and what infidelity really means in today’s tech-driven world. We asked more than 100 questions in a quest to understand what’s really happening in and out of Aussie bedrooms, but perhaps of every subject we covered in the Body+Soul Sex Census, the biggest changes took place across the digital landscape and just one example is the fact the way we find partners has migrated online with dating apps now the third most popular way to meet someone after mutual friends and the workplace.”
Dating advice for the digital world
Amanda Gordon: “I don’t think you should act on the romantic relationship at work but I’m very comfortable with people getting to know each other in the workplace and deciding this is worth pursuing. First of all you often have something in common like you’re interested in the same industry or you have experiences of the same sort of people and the same sort of culture.
“You have some basis for getting to know each other and you can get to know each other in the safe space, which is work, before you decide.
“But let me tell you when you’re chatting at work, it’s not a date. The date happens afterwards when the two of you have chatted each other up and decided this is something where you might like to get to know each other better. That’s a date.
“Proceed with caution with any dating in your life and in a date you start to be a little more vulnerable than you are at any other time.
“Be self-protective. I wouldn’t necessarily date upwards or downwards without very clear understanding and boundaries around it. I think you need to talk about it. You just can’t have an elephant wandering around the room whenever you’re together like you’re my boss or I’m your employee. That’s not a good elephant to have in the bedroom with you. It’s worth actually talking it through, sometimes talking it through with someone in HR, making sure that things are clear and okay so that there isn’t a power differential that could interfere with a real relationship.”
Kerrie McCallum: “One of the things that the Body+Soul Sex Census showed was that one in three Aussies feel that online dating is unsafe. Predominantly more females than males were likely to feel this way. Some of the reasons included people being dishonest about their identity, lying about their relationship status, concerns about being scammed for money and also worrying about their physical safety. In what ways can you or would you recommend people can prioritise their safety when they’re online dating? Are there any red flags to look out for?”
Kerrie McCallum and Amanda Gordon
Amanda Gordon: “Yes…but remember you’re not online dating, you’re online chatting or online flirting, you’re not dating, you don’t know that person. So when you do actually meet that person, do it in the same place the way you would any first date.
“Go to a restaurant or a bar where there are other people around. Do not go to the other person’s home. Men don’t go to her home and women don’t go to his home. Don’t go to a hotel together, go to a public place. Get to know each other where there is an exit and a place with other people there as well.
“You might even want to meet with a group and say that a group of us are going out, would you like to come and join us and get to know the person that way. Like you would in the old days when you happen to meet them in a bar or at a party or through a mutual friend and then you go on your first date.”
Kerrie McCallum: “What about in people’s profiles? Are there any words that you would think of that people use to describe themselves as being a red flag?”
Amanda Gordon: “If in your conversation you decide you want to go on a date or meet up, do so in a public place and then use your brain, not any other part of your body, in getting to decide whether that is a person who you’d like to see again.
“Be aware, be vigilant, don’t think that they told me such good things about themselves. Actually get to know them the way you would if it was someone in the workplace or someone whom a mutual friend introduced you to.”
Kerrie McCallum: “More than 50 percent of single Aussies say the cost of living is affecting their ability to meet people and the majority of couples in relationships say it’s affecting their ability to do things like go on dates, buy an engagement ring, have a baby, afford a wedding. We know that financial stress is bad for our health and relationships and that Covid lockdowns also delayed many people in their 20s and 30s meeting people too. What advice would you give to Aussies that are currently struggling with this?”
Amanda Gordon: “It’s a very big question and there are lots of bits of wisdom that we have. The first thing is dating doesn’t have to be expensive. You can make an agreement at the beginning about the sort of meet-up that you have. It doesn’t have to be at a lavish restaurant where one person is actually put under pressure to pay or each of you are finding it difficult.
“You can go for a walk in a park, go for coffee, not a secluded park on the first dates where there are lots of people. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on dating. I advise lots of people in relationships about how to have a date which doesn’t have to cost really anything at all.”
See also: Inside The Ideas Dome – Innovators – The Next Wave